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These opinions are 100% my own. Take it for whatever you value my word.

I just came out of a 12 hour work shift. I’m tired and I have a headache, yet I’m writing to you. I hope that shows you how strongly I feel about you and this post.

First off…

Your life isn’t in bad shape right now. Nor will it be for the next couple of years. You get good grades. You’re in good physical shape. Your family treats you well.

Which is why it makes it that much harder to get through to you.

Second off…

These opinions are my thoughts over the course of a year. Although they are wholly mine, they have been reinforced through our mutual friends who are in, more or less, complete agreement with me.

Third off…

If you happen to read this post, which I kinda wish and kinda not wish you would, just know that I have been contemplating whether or not I even have the right to speak of these thoughts. Whether or not a true friend should be unconditionally supportive, or speak out against something that is detrimental to the said friend. I think a true friend would take the latter route; unconditional love is for moms.

So let’s begin…

My ex once told me that she could see me treat any other girl the same way I treated her. That the reason why I was so good to her (and I was as you know), wasn’t because of her, but because of me, my personality.

I think that’s you. I think you’re just a nice person who will treat any girl well, regardless of how she treats you back. And I think she treats you like shit. Since month one, she has treated you as such.

Remember when I was MIA for a semester because of my ex? That’s been you. For a year. You have invested so heavily in her, partly due to her, and partly due to you (because of your nice personality once again).

You two have become codependent, and it isn’t healthy. Friends of yours ask where you are, to which you are always with her. This wasn’t always the case, as she had many fights with you last year because you did not “spend enough time” with her, and did not “care about her” enough.

Let’s think about this. You always called her to hang out, she never did the same. She hung out with her friends and ignored you, and you have never done the same. You made time to see her, e.g. bring her lunch, and she responds, “You dropped off food for me, I felt like you treated me like a dog.”

As a result, you have chosen her over many, many of your friends. They ask about you, often.

You can’t be yourself around her. You are a different person around her. You tried to be yourself, and she objected. She doesn’t like the friendliness you display to your close friends. She wants you all to herself.

This has spilled over to you ignoring others in her presence. You become oblivious to others existence.

This wasn’t always the case. You tried talking to her friends once, including her current roommate. Then she got jealous. Said you couldn’t talk to her friends.

She requests too much of you. Supplemented by how nice of a person you naturally are, you never say “no.” Think of how many requests she’s made and the amount of times you’ve denied. And think how many times you’ve asked something of her. Story speaks of itself.

I don’t know how much you’re absorbing right now, or whether or not you’re upset with me, but let’s just take a moment to think.

Think of your life before her, and your life now. Think of the fights you’ve been through, and how many were initiated by you (zero, but actually). Think of the root cause of all those tears, of all that headache, of all that time spent, of all that money exhausted.

Think of how different you act around me or other close guy friends because of her. Think of how often you even see other friends because of her. Think of, on those rare occasions, how attentive you are with your words and behaviors. Because of her. Because of how she’ll react. Think of you not being yourself because of that.

Past the physical intimacy and good looks, think of what she has added to your life that any other girl with good looks would. Has she helped you grow? Has it been mutual? Or, has it been the complete opposite?

You’ve asked me many times. What are my thoughts on her? I’ll tell you this.

Four days ago, I was warming up to her. I really was. Then there was the last straw. You won’t find out what that was, but I’ll tell you that it made me lose complete faith and trust in her ability to be a companion of yours. I’ve been generally upset since then. It’s what prompted this post after a 12 hour shift at work.

The day you two break up, which is going to happen one day (trust me, I’m not saying this out of ignorance), you’re going to be more hurt than she is. Which is sad, because she’ll never find a better guy than you. But, you’re going to be more hurt because you invested in her a lot more than she invested in you. It was you who took her places, expanded her horizons, and not vice versa. Think of me and what I did my spring break of 2012. That’s what you’ve done, for an entire year.

Think hard. No matter how upset you are with me right now. Think of this: past the physical intimacy and good looks, what has she been for you?


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