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Collateral damage: battling for my territory.

A short story on my ongoing war against, well, bugs.

When I’m at home, particularly in the summer, I fight nightly battles with an unrelenting force.


I don’t know how they get in, considering my doors are closed half the time. This leaves the window as the only other means; that or the queen is somehow in my room breeding a constant stream of them. But I’ve checked my window screen several times and there appears to be no holes or exploitations of that regard.

No matter, I kill thy bunch.

Sometimes I spot them in the corner of my eye. Other times they fly right in front of my face. Other times they wake me up with the chilling buzzing sound they make. Either way, I use lightning reflexes to clap them in my hands and kill them. Sometimes I miss once. twice. thrice. quadruple times. But I get them virtually (with a 95% confidence interval) every time, eventually…

But battles cannot be won without occasional collateral damage. We’re fighting for charted territory, for crying out loud. This is my room. Mine alone.

Tonight the enemy flew out of nowhere and I clapped three consecutive times. All were misses and I witnessed the pest frantically flying as if it were playing dodge ball. Ten minutes later, it flew right in front of me but ascended and quickly vanished amongst the unreachable ceiling.

And then I noticed it, half an hour later. Flew right onto the window screen. I was video chatting with a friend during that time.

“Hold on. Mosquito.” I told her as I eyed my adversary up and down (not really, since it’s so tiny).

My hands sneakily prepared to strike as it zoned in on the annoying little thing.

Then I attacked.

And the window screen popped out and went into the front yard.

“F*CK!” I yelled, waking the entire family up.

I then ran out the front door, into my front yard, and propped the window screen back into the frame. Time was of the essence, as there was a 3’ by 6’ window of opportunity (no pun intended) for other pests to enter my territory.

Since then, I have not witnessed another intruder. Granted, it’s only been a little over an hour, but I think the mosquito tribe understands that I mean war.

Collateral damage. Other than the embarrassment, no big deal.


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