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Winning the war against foreign, domestic, …and internal foes.

Throughout the existence of mankind, wars have constantly been fought by two or more opposing parties. This post studies a recent but important war that has unsurprisingly risen.

On January 19, 2011, “Schoolwork” cut off all negotiations and once again declared war on the sovereign state “Andy.” The latter is also known as me. Wanting to limit my personal freedom, the authoritarian Schoolwork imposed books, homework, study guides, quizzes, and tests to slowly weaken my strength to resist. Through the years, however, I’ve developed new lines of defense to dissipate Schoolwork’s advancements. I’ve then strategically placed those defenses during significant times of the day to eliminate Schoolwork.

These lines of defense, in no particular order, are as follows: watching YouTube, playing Starcraft 2, watching movies, going to the gym, sleeping, using Facebook, texting, writing on Tumblr, reading Wikipedia, reading ListVerse, reading novels, & reading StumbleUpon.

As some of you may have observed, the list overwhelmingly involves the use of a computer. If used correctly, they completely nullify any attempts Schoolwork makes to impose its will on me. In order to defeat me (my stubbornness, procrastination, and laziness), Schoolwork must take away the computer. However, I am not that dumb. I understand that critical weakness to my lines of defense, and will not easily give up the valuable cache.

Schoolwork, this is a direct call-out from me. In order to defeat me, you must take away my computer. You can try to cut the power cord to the neighborhood, but that requires insiders in the municipal government; I highly doubt you wield influence of that magnitude. You may instead try bribing the sister or the mother to disconnect the Ethernet cable, but their contact information is strictly classified. As an alternative, you may attempt to lock me out of my own room. Unfortunately for you, my doorknob contains no lock.

How then, are you supposed to win this war that you so-swiftly-and-eloquently waged against me? I’ve already pointed out the potential ways you could destroy my use of computer technology. Of course, you’re not clever enough to point out coffee house visits or utilizing study groups to provide me with an incentive to study. You also failed to point out that your war is a righteous one, whereas mine is an act of temporary personal gratification. But it appears my tongue actually slipped, and I just told you my other weakness… of morality and guilty consciences.

No matter, Schoolwork. I will defeat you. I will defe….def…d..E=MC^2. What is this? The Treaty of Versailles was a weak peace treaty designed to off-balance the Axis’ powers. WHAT? HOW COULD THIS BE HAPPE…Jesuit missionaries brought trade and Catholicism to secluded Japan. Catholicism was first seen as a form of Buddhism. By 1650, however, the Japanese were afraid of pollution or conquest by foreigners.

Hi, this is “Andy” speaking. “I’m” studying. Go away.

P.S. Schoolwork won.


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