This post is merely for reference, since the next post I am about to publish refers back to this. And because this had been originally published on Facebook, only those who personally know me would have been able to view it.
I wrote this over half a year ago when I had received my second rejection letter from the schools I applied to transfer to.
Never get caught slippin’.
I came home from school. Ate 300 calories worth of Raisin Bran and fruit. Saw the mailman drop off the daily mail. Went outside and opened the mailbox. One letter. To: Andy Cheng.
I came inside, held my breath, opened and read the letter. My dad knew exactly what my silent response meant.
After texting approx. 30 people of the news, I drove myself to the store to buy myself a new mp3 auxiliary jack for my stereo. I then hooked it into my car and bumped my way to the gym. I had a great workout. For once out of very rare occasions, I kept my phone with me… to respond to laggers.
I then came home, drank my protein shake, sat in front of the computer screen for a while, then went into the garage. I then shaved my head. I went back into the house, showered, and ate my dinner. I just finished eating my dinner this exact second, because I started typing this note while munching down on brown rice, asparagus, squid, bean curd, cabbage, and shrimp.
Up to this point, I have typed very objectively with zero opinions or personal bias. Everything aforementioned has been facts, down to brittle detail.
So, the letter was from Long Beach. It was a rejection letter, the second of two schools that I applied to. Zero for two, zero percent, zero acceptance, no transfer. I thought a lot, from the time I read that letter until finishing this meal. At first, many of those thoughts were negative. I looked quite normal on the outside, but my emotions were quite a mess.
I thought, “Why would I get rejected with a 4.0?”
Anger then turned to abysmal pride and I retorted, “Fuck SDSU and LB. It’s their loss, not mine. They lose the opportunity to have a fucking genius in me at their school.”
Pride then turned to sadness. It’s quite a letdown knowing that your best was simply insufficient due to extraneous variables in the current California budget crisis and high competitive nature of those schools.
Some text message replies were consolidation, some fueled the fire, some gave advice. They all equally helped me realize something. I cannot recollect exactly when those negative feelings were brushed aside, but a single positive thought suddenly flew into the mind. My long term memory quoted Lee Child, “Don’t fret over things you cannot control.”
Looking at things from a completely different perspective, things aren’t too bad at all. In retrospect, there are actually quite a few pros from this unforeseen but expected outcome.
For one, I am learning how to deal with one of many ordeals of life. Things do not always go according to plan, and the ability to improvise and be flexible is what separates those who survive from those who quit.
Second of all, I get to expand my knowledge even further in various subjects by taking more classes at Fullerton College. Because I have virtually run out of major-impacted courses, I could take this opportunity to take some acting, dancing, singing, and other personal interest courses.
Third of all, I could apply to several more schools next year with several different majors. My goals are never a means to an end; expanding my mind is the single most important thing to me, and knowledge is everlasting and infinite. Kinesiology is but a tool to serve as my secure financial basis while I manifest my dreams of acquiring as much wisdom as possible.
There is no need to waste my time being self destructive. I don’t need alcohol to forget. I don’t need cigarettes to relax. I don’t need weed to feel better. I don’t need to jump off any elevated ground or insert sharps or shrapnel into my bodily organs. All I need was time to think, time to reason, and time to change my perspective on such a minuscule situation.
Thank you for taking the time to read my application. I harvest no negative feelings toward your institution, and I cannot bring myself to waste negative energy on our governor as well. Everybody is feeling the consequences of this recession, and there is no single person or group to blame. Through a different perspective, however, your ultimate decision in rejecting me allowed me to use my ability to reason. With the reasoning came my conclusion that this is but one of many obstacles that I will traverse throughout my lifetime.
Shaved head, symbolizing a new start. Shed the current problems away, and make room for the new ones. Issues will always come, issues will always go. How I handle them is solely up to me.
I strive to stay Forever Free. I strive to never get caught slippin’.